Former Playboy Bunny Holly Madison has spoken out about living with Hugh Hefner, saying the experience left her suicidal. The 35-year-old was previously one of Hefner's girlfriends and starred in reality show Girls Of The Playboy Mansion. While she may have appeared to live a glamourous lifestyle on the show, she has now revealed that her ordeal with the Playboy magnate damaged her self-confidence and left her depressed. "Prior to moving into the Mansion, I’d been a fairly confident person, but it didn’t take long for my self-worth to crumble," she says in new book Down The Rabbit Hole. Madison explains how Hefner unleashed a string of insults after she got a new haircut, saying it made her look "old, hard and cheap" and she was also targeted with "ruthless meangirling" from the other bunnies in the house. She adds that she also struggled with the lurid nature of life in the mansion, saying that each room was stocked with "trays of Johnson's Baby Oil, Vaseline and Kleenex" and Hefner had offered her a Quaalude and described the drug as a "thigh opener". The star, who is now married with a daughter, says that she has had no contact with Hefner since leaving the Mansion apart from a series of "creepy, short and reprimanding" letters.