With adult content and pornography becoming increasingly accessible, you may have found yourself wondering whether your partner might be exploring it online when you’re not around.
Although open conversations about these topics are encouraged, not everyone feels comfortable enough in their relationship to bring them up right away.
So, for those curious about whether there are any signs that a partner might be consuming a lot of porn, we might just have some helpful insight.
We asked Sex & Intimacy Educator Grace Alice to shed light on the question many of us are quietly asking: "Is my partner watching lots of porn?"
Grace Alice begins by emphasising that what counts as "a lot of porn" is highly subjective, and that you can never be 100% certain someone is watching pornography based solely on their behaviour.
For example, she notes that if your partner seems less emotionally present, it could be due to stress or "any number of other factors," rather than porn use.
Grace Alice makes an excellent point by directing us toward a far more crucial question: "What is leading you to ask this?"
She adds: "If you, as a partner, are wondering if your partner consumes a lot of porn, if you find yourself googling this kind of question; that’s a clear signal it might be time to have a conversation, rather than over-analysing behaviour and potentially misreading things."
Even so, there are some telltale behaviours that, while never definitive, can offer clues that someone might be watching more porn than they realise, or more than feels right for the relationship.
Grace Alice starts by explaining that secretive behaviour around a partner’s devices can be a sign that they might be hiding something.
"If they seem particularly antsy or uncomfortable when you use their laptop or phone, or if they regularly take their devices away and disappear with them into a locked room," she said.
It’s important to note that while these patterns could indicate your partner is watching porn, they could just as easily reflect other activities they prefer to keep private, which is, in itself, a whole other conversation.
Grace Alice then makes an interesting point that we hadn’t necessarily considered before: switching accents.
"Especially if it switches to an American one, which is common in a lot of porn produced in the US, or using terminology that feels more suited to porn than to your relationship," she explained.
"Again, this is not necessarily negative or 'bad' in itself, everyone has different preferences when it comes to sex talk," she added.
Sex & Intimacy Educator Grace Alice moves on to a more 'worrying' sign to keep your eye out for.
"If a partner jumps straight to certain actions without communicating and checking in - like being aggressive during sex or using degrading language - it could potentially indicate that they're copying what they've seen online.
"A conversation would definitely need to happen here, as it's never OK to assume someone wants 'rough' sex - this has to be very clearly discussed and agreed beforehand, while also checking in with your partner regularly."
Grace Alice concludes that while pornography is very common, it is not inherently harmful and does not necessarily hurt a relationship.
"It really depends on the person's relationship with it [porn]. If you’re concerned about your partner’s relationship with porn; whether it feels compulsive, is being used as a coping mechanism, or is affecting your sex life...it’s so important to talk about it.
"Try to approach the conversation with curiosity, not accusation, and use "'I' statements, such as 'I feel a bit disconnected from you lately' or 'can we talk about intimacy and sex in our relationship?'"
"Open up space for honest conversation instead of accusations or trying to 'catch them out'.
"Ultimately, it’s healthier to move towards open communication, rather than playing detective," she concludes.
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