I've got the fever, folks - wedding fever, that is.

Not my own wedding, of course. Heaven forfend! Rather, I'm at the age in life (35) where everyone I know is getting married. No, seriously, literally everyone. Just so you know I'm not exaggerating, I had three very good friends' weddings to attend over three consecutive weekends in July. Only Ross Geller has been to as many weddings in so short a space of time. But because of this, I believe I've learned a thing or two about what makes for a successful Irish wedding, so, ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding while I impart the key lessons from my big fat nuptial summer.   1 ) Chucking money in the card has become too common a fallback present for the couple. Oh, I'm not judging: I, being devoid of imagination and emotion,  money-carded the shit out of the three weddings I attended. And money is great and all (if you haven't heard). But others actually put more thought and effort into what they wanted to give - be it a painting, a framed photo, or a fancy picnic basket set for two outdoors-y types. And each time, the couple really appreciated the extra bit of care that went into the gift. Just a thought. 2 ) Now, onto the ceremony. Pick a seat in the back of the church. Ignore the protestations of the ushers about moving up a few rows to fill out the front seats. By sticking to the back rows, not only do you get a kickass view of the bride as she starts her journey up the aisle, you'll also be in a prime position to make a swift exit at the end. This way, you'll be one of the first in the queue to administer the traditional handshake/hug/kiss/fist-bump/punch to the happy couple at the church door afterwards, and before you know it, you'll be in the wedding hotel bar, gulping down that first pint of Guinness while Aunt Bridie and cousin Ger are still waiting halfway up the church aisle because Auntie Margaret is hogging the couple and won't move the fuck on. 3 ) Bring snacks. It's not enough to simply heed every mammy's warning on the morning of all weddings ever held in Ireland: "It's a terrible long fast before you'll have your dinner". Sure, have a massive fry-up to set you up for the day, but approach the day in the full knowledge that weddings are hungry affairs. I can guarantee you'll be bloody wallfallen from the hunger by the time you get out of the ceremony. There should be canapés and little nibbles once you arrive at the reception venue, but view these as mere supplements to your own stash of grub. Your blood sugar levels - and alcohol tolerance  - all depend on properly managing this vital part of the wedding day. 4 ) On the morning of the wedding, study the Facebook pages of the couple getting married to (re)acquaint yourself with their friends and families. Of particular importance is the 'mutual friends' section of the profile. There's nothing worse than meeting someone at a wedding who remembers your name, what you do, and that time you slept/lived together in college, but of whom you are drawing a complete blank. This is also a crucial research period if you've hidden/unfollowed a lot of those mutual friends on Facebook. I've genuinely been at weddings where I met people, who I haven't seen in years, and I never realised they'd gotten married or had kids or moved abroad. Morto. 5 ) When you find your table at the reception, just jump straight in and introduce yourself to anyone you don't know. It's like chatting up that person you've been making googly-eyes at in the pub all night: nobody wants to to be the first one to make the move, but the other person will often be secretly relieved that you took the initiative. You are all going to be at this table together for at least two hours. Try to make the most of it. Everyone is there for the right reasons, and everyone is out to enjoy themselves. 6 ) If you're Irish living in the UK, and have returned to Ireland for a wedding, more than one person will ask you about Brexit. Don't try to fight it. Just have an answer prepared: "Oh yes, it's a total shitshow. It's all so up-in-the-air, nobody knows anything about what will happen next, so it's pointless even speculating about it." Also, for the next few months, it's likely that the table talk will turn to: "What do you make of this Donald Trump business in America?" Avoid, avoid, AVOID, mostly because indulging in this conversation will either flush out those guests who agree with Trump, or the ones who don't like him but also then express some pretty horrifyingly sexist stuff about Hillary. In this instance, it's perfectly okay to just say, "I don't know anything about politics, soz." 7 ) Make a point of speaking to the grandparents at a wedding, if possible. They've got all the dirt and all the maddest stories on everyone. At one of the weddings I was at this summer, one of the grooms' granny shared an anecdote about her own love life that made me gasp so audibly that people rushed over, assuming I was choking or having a stroke or something. 8 ) Dance. Now look, I know many of you are self-conscious and don't want to be the first ones out there and all those usual excuses, but the married couple really, really want you to dance. My theory is that all stressed-out newlyweds use the level of enthusiasm on the dance-floor to gauge how much people have enjoyed the day as a whole.   You don't want to make them unhappy on their big day, do you? Course you don't; sure, aren't you sound? So just break out your best moves. In my book: you haven't made enough effort on the dance floor if you don't have someone come over to you at breakfast the next morning and say, with a knowing look: "And how are you feeling today?"   And if you need further incentive to bust some moves, you really do burn some serious calories on the floor. This is a reading of my plus-one's Fitbit-type thing from the night of one of the weddings I attended. We tore up the dance floor during the DJ set and burned off 370 calories!   9) Don't make my mistake and turn up at an Irish country wedding not only ignorant of the moves to 'The Siege Of Ennis', but never even having heard of it in the first place. Honestly, the guests at that wedding wanted to revoke my Irish citizenship for this one, and I can't blame them, to be fair. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_bishBer5U   10 ) Finally, at some point in the evening, the DJ will play Mark McCabe's unofficial Irish national anthem, 'Maniac 2000'. It's practically the law now that the song feature in the playlists of every wedding for anyone who came of age in the late '90s or early '00s. And it's only right, as it is sure to completely pack the dance-floor and to give your wedding reception the second-wind boost it needs to sustain everyone right through to the residents' bar section of the evening and beyond. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dY17nDW-CX0 HOWEVER. I must beg of you to please take into consideration any guests that may not have grown up in Ireland. At two of the weddings I went to this summer, friends had brought their British partners, and I've never seen two lads look more baffled or terrified than when the entire room lost its collective shit to mosh around the dance floor to McCabe's opus. I tried to explain to one of them after the fact, but the poor chap was rightly shook. So please, explain to your non-Irish guests in advance that a moment of madness will ensue at some point. Provide some context and just tell them to lean into it. Forewarned is forearmed. OGGY OGGY OGGY!