Day 19.

Wait a second, if we have a Love Island then why don't we have a hate island? Filled with people that can't stand each other, constantly bickering and having huge blowout arguments over nothing. Oh wait, that's called Christmas with the family!!! Am I right? *microphone feedback* Anyway, Love Island is still on. It's never going to end. This is our life now. We're just killing time until Dani and Jack become our eventual winners, then start filling in for Holly and Philip on This Morning, give OK! Magazine the exclusive photos of their engagement and then gradually fade back into obscurity. Until then, here's six deeply important moments you might've missed on last night's show.

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1. Samira, intending to flirt, described Sam's outfit as a "co-ord", followed by a "two piece"  It became abundantly clear during last night's show that Samira Mighty cannot flirt. It's an affliction that's said to affect 1 in 8 Brits and certainly something that can be rectified with the right amount of work, strength and determination. Dani and Megan gave Samira a quick Flirting 101 lesson in the kitchen before she moseyed her way over to Sam by the fire pit. Armed with the right tools to seduce her man, Samira opened the intended flirtatious exchange with "I like your co-ord", then clarified with "I like your two piece". For context, Sam was wearing black shorts and a black t-shirt at the time. At this point, Samira needs to gather her belongings and leave the villa with her dignity intact because a piece of cabbage could flirt better than she does.   2. Laura seemed to be examining Wes' body and concluded that he had an abnormality It's unclear as to where Laura found the abnormality, but she's proven herself to be a very dutiful and attentive lover in doing so. It's important to keep any eye on yourself at all times, particularly if you've got moles. Any change in size, shape or colour can indicate an abnormality and it's best to contact your local GP for a consultation if you're worried about anything. Props to Laura and Wes for using each other to keep on top of things - literally! What a great couple. I wish them the best.   3. Ellie turned her efforts towards consuming apples in a bid to get away from Doctor Alex A few people pointed it out on Twitter so I'm merely regurgitating the thought, but it's an exceptional one. Ellie realised that she no longer had feelings for Alex, so rather than confronting him about it, she tucked into an apple. It makes perfect sense because as the saying goes 'An apple a day keeps the love-hungry Doctor Alex desperate for affection away'. Tragically, as the episode progressed, it turns out that the saying is complete garbage because Ellie and Alex ended up having a massive argument and that's what will end up keeping him away in the end. The apple was merely a nutritional snack. Bummer.   4. Alex renamed doggy style as 'Doggy Fashion' because "it sounds a bit nicer" The boys had to guess their other halves' favourite sex positions. For Alex, it truly was a guess, and he landed on 'Doggy Fashion'. Upon receiving a severe roasting from his fellow islanders, which made a nice change from the usual sun roasting he receives, Alex tried to justify his incredibly posh terminology. "It sounds a bit nicer than doggy style", he cried. But nobody heard as they had all passed away from laughter. They're all dead now. Alex couldn't resuscitate them because he was too busy trying to work out if Ellie still didn't fancy him as she was dying. The series is over, at long last. It's done. Nobody won. The real winner was #content.   5. Dani Dyer can't spell 'Missionary' We shouldn't make fun of people that can't spell. Statistically, I've misspelled about eight words in this piece so I'm not in a position to berate Dani. However, in keeping with the tone of things, it's essential that I highlight it. Dani's favourite sex position is missionary. Or as she calls it, 'Mitionary'. As spelling mistakes go, it's actually quite an intelligent one to make and I can see how she's landed with the exotic 'T' instead of a double 'S'. It's not as funny as when Chris wrote down 'Jason Staythumb' last year, which is to this day one of the most iconic Love Island moments we've been lucky enough to witness. Ah. Such banter. We have fun all the same, don't we?   6. The girls and boys proved that they're really shit at discreetly watching an argument unfold Bit! Of! Decorum! Please! Folks! Jesus! Alex and Ellie were having a big blowout argument and everyone knew that it was going to be intense. Rather than appearing to be preoccupied with a fake conversation but still eavesdropping at the same time, the girls boldly sat facing the exact direction of the couple, as did the boys. Subtlety doesn't exist in the villa, as we've seen time and time again. There might as well be a cinema screen in front of them, such was the ease with which they observed Alex and Ellie's argument. It turns out that us viewers and these islanders have a lot in common. At the end of the day, we all love watching a couple arguing in public. Long may the nonsense continue!    

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Images via ITV