@death, would you like to strike now?

Buying a Christmas present for your significant other is nothing short of impossible. From trying to think of what they'd actually like (and not what you'd like to see them in) to picking something that shows you care, that you know them, they'd use and finally... is within budget, is an accomplishment for the CV and a task which gives me the ultimate fear time and time again, and here's why.

1. "You know what I like..."

Oh, do I??? Yet, when you're shopping for me I need to give you an extensive list of exactly what to get me plus sizes and a step-by-step guide on how to buy "said items" but nevertheless I "know what you like", yeah, that's fair.

2. "Anything but clothes"

This one makes me laugh. Firstly, you need clothes (you always do) and secondly, why tell me this three days to Christmas?

3. "Don't spend too much"

That's all well and good... for you... but you better be still buying me that €200 handbag, right, RIGHT?

4. "I'll send you on some things I like"

Oh no worries, I'll wait. Here. In. Dundrum.

5. "Don't get me aftershave, I have enough of those"

Weird, I've never seen you use them ever...

6. "Don't get me the same thing as last year"

Well, that's just f*cking rude - I used my blood, sweat, and tears fighting off other girlfriends to get you THAT top but not a bother, Dobby shall try again...

7. Inappropriately holding up tops and jackets to other men in stores who look in and around the same size as your fella

Hello kind sir, may I borrow your chest and waist for a simple experiment?

8. Unpacking underwear in different sizes for comparison

It's a tough debacle between the large and the medium. Will I go large for safety? But then, will the medium be that perfect snug fit? I'll be here awhile...

9. Wait, how much did we say we'd spend?

Great... I've gone way over budget. I'd want to be getting the same haul of stunning gifts from himself or there'll be war.

10. You spend your time shopping for your partner while looking at things for yourself

A little gawk won't hurt anyone... amirite ladies?

11. The sudden realisation that you talk for Ireland and the chances of you not spoiling this gift is LOW.

It's a gift and a curse.