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28th January 2017
06:29pm GMT
James is a father to four children, four girls all under the age of 6 which means that they're going to be at the age where they are the most gas. James keeps his followers updated with his daughter's hilarious put-downs and sarcastic comments on his Twitter account, where anyone who has kids or even knows toddlers will be able to identify with his quips taken from his daughters. The girl's simplistic views on life are truly, little delights to read.I bought a gate so tall my 1-year-old could never get over it.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 1, 2017
But where there's a toddler, there's a way. pic.twitter.com/sC22yEXSZf
4-year-old: When I was 3, I only liked toys.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 26, 2017
Me: What do you like now?
4: Toys and food.
4-year-old: *puts on one white shoe and one brown shoe*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 26, 2017
Me: You can't wear two different shoes.
4: I have two different feet.
4-year-old: Why do you read the news?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 24, 2017
Me: I want to know about the world.
4: Why?
Me: We live there.
4: We should live somewhere else.
4-year-old: If I marry a prince, do I have to be a princess?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 23, 2017
Me: What do you want to be?
4: A Ninja Turtle.
Me: You wet your pants.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 22, 2017
2-year-old: Nope.
Me: Then who did it?
2: The pig.
The plot thickens.
[looking at a dozen eggs]
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 20, 2017
4-year-old: Are there any baby chickens?
Me: I promise they're all chicken-free.
4: What about dragons?
4-year-old: Why do all those people have their pictures in the newspaper?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2017
Me: They died.
4: *whispering* It’s full of ghosts.
2-year-old: *cries on the toilet*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 17, 2017
Me: What's wrong?
2: Poop wants to come out.
Me: So let it.
2: No. It makes me sad.
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