It's not me, it's you.
I can't flipping stand you and I'm not going to keep it to myself anymore. The world needs to know how I feel.
You're disgusting. You're an eyesore. Nobody likes you. Go away and get out of my sight, you repulsive pig.
A large portion of my disdain for you stems from the fact that you claim to be invisible but WE CAN SEE YOU. We can clearly, clearly see you. Countless times I've been tricked by packaging that says 'clear bra straps' or 'invisible bra straps', but you're there. Your ugly little presence is always there.
You're a scoundrel and I won't entertain you or the concept of you any longer. Have some self respect. You can't claim to be something you're not. Own your shortcomings. Be honest. If you can't be honest to yourself, who can you be honest with? Tell the truth. Please, I'm begging you.
I question the function that you claim to provide as well. CBS, you are not giving the same support as regular bra straps, and I think you know that yourself. There's more support in an online customer service chat than in your day-to-day employment. STOP LYING TO US ALL. We have been deceived for far too long and it needs to stop. Don't you dare tell me that you'll be there for me, through thick and thin, then provide a seriously limp amount of support in a very non-invisible manner. You're scum.
Truth be told, I don't blame you for everything. I blame society for the most part. For some strange reason, it's ingrained in the female psyche that bras need to be hidden. Why is that? We shouldn't be ashamed of these mysterious blobs of fat on our chests, they are beautiful. How we choose to maintain their perkiness is nothing short of intimately beautiful. Why must we hide our helpers? Bras are just trying to do their best in this godforsaken world, just like the rest of us. It is a farce.
Why can't you be more like your sister, the strapless bra? She does exactly what she says. There's no straps. She's not claiming to be invisible like you are. She has morals, honesty and a commitment to people that she truly fulfils. Fair enough, her support is somewhat lacklustre, but at least she's face value about things. There's no bullshit about her.
Going forward, clear bra straps, I just want you to take a long and hard look at yourself. (It should be pretty easy since you're so blatantly visible to all). You need to work on yourself for a while. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to everyone else.
If you feel that you need to retire to a remote and uninhabited island off the coast of Papua New Guinea where we never have to lay our eyes on you again, then so be it. Sorry to say it, but the world would be a much happier place without you in it.
Goodbye, forever.
Sincerely,
Every woman ever x
Lead image via
Cupid Lingerie
