Cheating, am I right?

Sometimes you just have a gut instinct, other times your friend Donna lets it slip when she's drunk, leaving you to question who you trust more, your fella or a girl that used to have Meanies for lunch every day in school. We've come up with a foolproof list of things to look out for if you're concerned that your other half might be playing away from home. Even if you don't think he is, being familiar with this list is no harm. Keep an eye out for the following subtle changes in his behaviour.

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1. He keeps calling you Sandra (your name isn't Sandra, it's Louise). 2. He's always 'busy' when you ask him to hang out, doing things like "having a life with his family and three kids" or "taking out a restraining order against you". 3. He's upped the security around his house after you snuck in and cooked him dinner for your anniversary of the first time he told you to stop calling him. 4. He's blocked you on all forms of social media and your phone has been disabled from contacting him after you sent a photo of an artist's interpretation of what your children would look like. 5. He shouts "Help! I'm scared!" every time you approach him with a knife (which you innocently want his opinion on regarding its suitability for cutting your wedding cake together). 6. He organised for the Gardaí to call over to your house on Halloween because he was certain you were performing a séance to connect with his ancestors to haunt him until he proposed to you. 7. He seems distant when you're in public together, hurrying his wife and children away from you and alerting nearby security staff. 8. He's always on his phone when you're around, with the numbers 999 already dialled and his finger hovering over the call button. 9. He smells of another woman's perfume, then assures you it's his wife's because he is happily married and would prefer if you left him alone. 10. He repeatedly tells you that you're not in a relationship and that you are violating the terms of the restraining order every time you make contact with him.