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High heels are the devil.
They're uncomfortable and unnatural but they are so damn pretty we wear them all the time anyways. There are a few emotions you're guaranteed to go through when you decide to wear a pair on a night out. Some of these might sound familiar.
Excited anticipation
You pull the shoebox out from underneath the bed, slowly lift the lid, push back the tissue paper and delicately take out your pride and joy. 'Tonight's the night' you whisper to them as you slip your feet into them.
Denial
You ignore advice from your mum, your sister, your best friend and your boyfriend who all told you to wear flats. This time it will be different, this time they won't cut your feet to pieces, this time they will be comfy dammit. This isn't amateur hour, you are going to work these heels and be fabulous in the process.
Model Material
Your hair and makeup are perfect, your outfit is on point, and your shoes? Well, they are just the cherry on top of a perfect cake. You prance around your home like an elegant gazelle and swiftly call the taxi. It's time to show these bad boys off to the world.
Werk
You strut into the club with the girls and immediately head to the dance floor. You quickly find out that it is actually quite hard to dance in heels. You end up simply bopping your head up and down while gingerly bending your knees. It's okay though you still look fab.
Denial yet again
Mmmm, was that a little pang of pain? No, it can't be it is only 12.30am. You convince yourself that If you head over to the bar for another drink and a little sit down that you will be fine. You're probably just tired from busting all those moves.
Bambi
When you try to pry yourself off that bar stool to get back to your dancing something terrifying happens. Not only are your feet hurting worse than when you sat down, but somehow you have now lost complete control of your ankles. You manage to stagger halfway across the dance before you collapse exhausted into a booth.
The Burn
Good Lord, what is happening? All of a sudden the balls of your feet are on fire. They burn like the fiery pits of hell and it is literally all you can think about. At this stage, you're in far too much agony to continue dancing. You look around to see if anyone else has given in yet, you don't want to be the first to do it but you know you have to. Yup, it's time to take them off.
Acceptance
You gingerly take them off and just like that the bouncer is over in a flash. You can't stay in the club in your bare feet. Well, that settles it then you're out of here. You wanted to leave and get a 4 in 1 anyways. It's a win-win!
The sweet sweet relief
You've had your shoes off for a while now but it's not until you feel your hall carpet under your toes that you know that you're really home and those bad shoes can't hurt you anymore.
Denial again
It's the morning after and you're feeling a bit rough. You clamber around your room putting things back where they belong. You stumble across last night's shoes and lovingly put them back in their box and tuck them under your bed knowing fine well that you will wear them again.
This article is brought to you by Flexitol.