It’s that special time of year, people. Time to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about which of your many addictions you can gain some control over. That’s right, the most hopeful (yet disappointing) religious season of them all: Lent.
Ah the Lenten period. Coming close enough to January that it feels like a sort of New Year's resolution refresher course for Catholics. Every Irish man and woman knows that just as you can give up drink or chocolate for Lent you can legitimately give up Lent on numerous other occasions.
Here are eight times you can get out of your Lenten promises absolutely no questions-asked:
1. St. Patrick's Day
The law of the shamrock states that thou must abandon all Lent-based food and alcohol restrictions on this day. If you have been abstaining from the demon drink you may even find that you get drunk quicker on Paddy's Day*
*The author does not endorse this product or service
2. Your birthday
If your special day falls within the 40 day period of self-restraint you can be safe in the knowledge that the baby Jesus would want you to have a day off. Consider lighting an extra candle at Sunday Mass if your jägerbomb hangover forces you to eat 13 contraband bags of Monster Munch.
3. Sundays
A little known fact about Catholic doctrine: the 40 days of Lent exclude all Sundays during Lent. No, seriously. However, the day off only applies IF you attend Mass. Howaya Father, you're lookin' well.
4. When Aunty Flo visits
Because chocolate is God's apology to women for periods.
5. If you're pregnant
Lent commemorates the 40 days that Holy God spent not eating sweets in the desert. He would DEFINITELY let you off the aul Lent situation for 40 weeks.
6. Going through a breakup
And the good Lord sayeth thou should taketh much vodka and plentiful chocolate to soothe thy wounds and get over him. Even if thou breakest Lent.
7. Foreign holidays
If you're fierce fancy and you're going out foreign this early in the year you can't be expected to abstain. It'd be rude not to. Someone has to buy those giant Milka bars in the duty free. In fairness.
8. Feast of St Joseph (March 19th) and the Solemnity of the Annunciation (March 25th)
The Pope says you can have Jesus' Da's birthday (and the day Angel Gabriel visited the Virgin Mary) off Lent. Officially like, no bodder.
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