By Jack Peat

A list of the most sigh-inducing gags ever has just been released

The best dad jokes of all-time have been revealed – with ‘This graveyard looks crowded – people must be dying to get in’ being the most amusing. A poll of 2,000 adults has found what they consider to be the top 20 cheesiest gags fathers like to inflict on anyone they can. Saying ‘I don’t think they’ll fit me’ when asked to put a child’s shoes on also featured alongside ‘I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down’. While ‘Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels’ concluded the top 20 list of the groan-inducing jokes ever told. A spokesperson for Papa Johns, which commissioned the research ahead of Father’s Day to launch its Papa Jokes campaign, said: ‘’Dad jokes are a proud tradition. “Of course, one doesn’t have to be a dad to enjoy them, dad jokes can come from anywhere. “If it’s a naff pun, a groan-inducing punchline or something only the teller finds hilarious, rest assured, no matter who tells it – it’s a dad joke.” Other jokes beloved of the nation included ‘I used to hate facial hair – but then it grew on me’ and ‘My wife asked if I was ever going to stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…’ Exactly six in 10 respondents admitted to being amused by dad jokes – but 67 per cent find them ‘cringeworthy’ at the same time. And 40 per cent reckon they’ve gone their whole lives without telling a single terrible one-liner so far. But of those who have, 80 per cent have cracked themselves up with one, even if nobody else laughed. Of those who have kids, 39 per cent are convinced their attempts at humour bring nothing but embarrassment to them. Unfortunately for the children, this only makes 83 per cent determined to make even more terrible wisecracks. Respondents estimate it takes approximately four years to master the art of the dad joke, after becoming a parent for the first time. Thinking about their own fathers, 47 per cent remember them being amusing, with 12 per cent described as ‘very funny’. Just under three in 10 (29 per cent) even believe their old man’s terrible gags form some of their favourite memories of them. And 31 per cent say that even though dad jokes are often cheesier than a French buffet, they still love them, according to the OnePoll figures. The spokesperson for Papa Johns, which recently launched a super cheesy range of crispy cheese base pizzas, added: “While we may not laugh at a dad joke at the time, it seems many really remember their dads for them. “So, for any budding comedians out there, who may or may not be parents yet, remember that memorability is more important than actually being funny. “We say layer on the cheese, add in a silly accent, do whatever you do to make the joke memorable – and ideally, deeply embarrassing for your kids.”

The funniest dad jokes ever told

1. ‘This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.’
2. ‘I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down’
3. Q: ‘Dad, can you put my shoes on? A: ‘No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.’
4. ‘I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.’
5. Q: ‘Can you put the cat out?’ A: ‘I didn’t know it was on fire.’
6. ‘Wife said are you ever going stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…’
7. ‘Ah, this takes me back’ when putting the car into reverse
8. ‘I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.’
9. ‘What do you call a magician who lost their magic? Ian.’
10. Q: ‘How do I look?’ A: ‘With your eyes.’
11. Q: ‘Dad, did you get a haircut?’ A: ‘No, I got them all cut!’
12. ‘I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.’
13. ‘Wanna hear a joke about a pizza? Never mind, it’s too cheesy’
14. ‘I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.’
15. ‘I am terrified of lifts. I’m going to take steps to avoid them.’
16. ‘What did one wall say to the other?’ ‘I’ll meet you at the corner.’
17. ‘I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.’
18. ‘How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.’
19. ‘Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera’
20. ‘Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?’ ‘Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.’

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