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15th November 2016
11:05am GMT

“As you said, you agreed to stay over even after he told you there was no one else in the house. His point is that he never misled you,” she writes accusingly. “Unfortunately, you gave every indication you were a willing player in his unfolding seduction plan. Never once did you ask for the lights to be turned on fully, saying you would be more comfortable with more light.” Kelly calls the girl naïve and completely shames her for her actions. “I don’t blame him for thinking you were not a virgin. You acted like a girl who has been around,” she writes. “After this horrendous experience I expect you will not do anything foolish again,” Kelly concludes.
“Kelly's reply was largely focused on helping vulnerable girls understand the need to not place themselves in risky situations despite knowing the possible consequences. In no way does this mean that they deserve to be blamed. It simply means that they have to know how to protect themselves in a society where the definition of consent is still unclear to many,” states the publication. “Amidst everything, we are glad that this issue was highlighted because this invites discussion about an important issue. Amongst the heated comments that we have received, we are glad to see that they all carry the same message: that rape victims should never be blamed. This discussion is overdue. Our society has to talk about consent. About how 'No' means 'No'. About how the gesture of pushing away someone else's advances should not be confused as playing hard to get, amongst other indications of unwillingness. For girls, to recognise situations that they could avoid or at the very least, be wary of. For guys to know that intimacy should never be forced – especially if the other party is inebriated. This is an important conversation to be continued,” they continue.
“I was focusing on the danger this girl put herself in. I focused on helping her see that her behaviour sent the wrong message to the guy. She honestly stated that the guy never lied to her. “… He said his parents were going away and asked me to stay over, I said yes”. She admitted she knew they have no maid.” “I wanted everyone to know the danger of sending the wrong signals. He definitely got the wrong signals. When she arrived she says, “He grabbed me and kissed me”. I said she should have left but stated, “However, I believe you didn’t have a clue what he had in store for you”. Again there is no blaming her.”
“There is no intention of “victim blaming”, just an attempt to point out that one’s actions have consequences and the sad fact, for me who really cares for everyone writing in, is that many young people today take risks and put themselves in precarious situations resulting in unhappy outcomes.”
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