Being a parent is hard work, so you can't really blame your mother for having a bit of fun with you from time to time. Certainly what will get the greatest rise is when she starts talking about things that you just don't want to hear about. Here are nine inappropriate things your mother has certainly said...

1. Yes, well I did have sex.

No, you had sex once. I am the result. That is all.

2. Oh love, have you got your period?

I'm just going back upstairs to crawl under the duvet.

3. I wouldn't throw him out of the bed if he was eating crisps.

We really love to hear their opinions on Ryan Gosling.

4. He'll do alright on a cold night.

Or the postman.

5. You're straddling the road

I'm doing WHAT to the road!

6. I used to go out with a guy...

No, you went out with Dad. That was all. Just Dad.

7. Are you using protection?

Good God Mam! Stop!

8. You're wearing white and it's that time of the month?

This is just a no go. No.

9. When me and your father...

Just don't finish that sentence, we can guess. You got some candy floss and held hands on the beach. The End.