We’re not talking about sex enough.

A statement which might seem bizarre in a world that seems completely dominated by sex, so let me rephrase – we’re not talking about sex properly. And that distinction is a very important one to make. The difference between talking about your weekend romance and talking about the boundaries that were ignored. The difference between making a choice and feeling like you don’t have any other available to you. The difference between speaking out if something bad happens and feeling like you should just get over it. A new study has found that 87 percent of young women have had to endure sexual harassment, yet almost half of them “don’t see certain types of gender-based degradation and subordination as problems in our society.” While it’s easy to become immune to new survey results and findings, this shocking statistic should really not be ignored. The study conducted by researchers at Harvard University surveyed over 3,000 people between the ages of 18 and 25 and found the results were connected to the worrying rape culture that is so prevalent, and the lack of information around healthy sexual relationships, consent, and ethical behaviour. The research suggested that failures in proper sexual education has left young people confused as to what constitutes 'respectful sexual behaviour' – and it’s pretty hard to disagree with that notion. I cannot remember a time when going to a bar or nightclub didn’t result in some form of unwanted attention. Attention that I, apparently, should have been grateful for. And while it’s all well and good to approach someone with interest in said bar or nightclub, invading their personal space without invitation or throwing insults at them when that interest isn’t reciprocated, is not. However, why is it then that we are to blame? ‘She’s playing hard to get.’ ‘She’s such a tease.’ ‘She’s leading me on.’ Why are their advances meant to result in us bowing down with gratitude? Why is our ‘rejection’ seen as such a personal attack? Why are we to blame? Why is there need to place blame anyway? Because it's taught that if interest is shown we should swoon, and if we don’t, there can’t be any other explanation than ‘she’s playing hard to get’, ‘she’s just a tease’, or ‘she lead me on’. Most of us have experienced some sort of sexual advancements that were uninvited. And many of us think nothing much of it - because we're conditioned to think that it's no big deal, that it's just what happens in bars and nightclubs nowadays, and that we should just smile and get over it. But make no mistake - it is a big deal, it shouldn't just happen and we most definitely should not 'get over it'.