Today is boss/employee exchange day. What? Don't tell us you didn't get the memo... Some of you might have been lucky enough to avail of that swap over and be the one to send those terrifying "pop in to me for a minute" emails instead of sitting on the receiving end. For the rest of us, it remains a dream and we struggle on. To mark the occasion, though, we've been having a think about the worst things your boss says on a daily basis. It's time to start buying lotto tickets again... _________________________________________ I'm Calling a Quick Meeting The worst thing about working in an office? Meetings about meetings. Here's a meeting to talk about the meeting we had last week. Then, we'll have a meeting tomorrow to recap on this meeting and plan another meeting. About ten minutes in, the word "meeting" has lost all meaning, much like when you say "fork" to yourself repeatedly. Additional note - there is no such thing as a "quick meeting". It's like saying your "only going for one". Blue Sky Thinking... Outside the Box If there's one way to be absolutely certain someone doesn't have a clue what they're talking about, it's when they start to resort to terminology like this. THERE IS NO BOX. And no blue sky. It's raining. It's always raining. I'm Just One of You! No, you're not. You're the boss - so whether you like it or not, you're different. It's not a bad thing (it's definitely not a bad thing for your wallet), but you're not one of the gang. Now stop asking me about my Saturday night, because I have The Fear that you saw me in Coppers. This Is Really Good for the Company  That means one thing Mr/Mrs Bossman/Bosswoman. You're about to earn a sh*tload more money. Good for you, but unless you're sending bonuses all round, don't expect us to start the happy dance. I'm Here For You One of the most uncomfortable moments of your working life is likely to occur when a boss who really wants to be compassionate just doesn't know quite how to. Awkward. Put It In A Presentation That thing I just spent talking you through for a two-hour meeting? You'd rather I just wrote to all down. Cool. Sure. No problem. That steam coming out my ears? It's a medical condition. How Do You See Your Future Here?  Well, now that you mention it... Thanks for everything.