Growing up in Ireland was eh, character building.

Upon reflection, now, as an adult, its quite clear that many of the common experiences shared by Irish youth are, in fact, deeply scaring and traumatic. Here are some of the ones that immediately spring to mind. Living in fear of The Wooden Spoon This apparatus could have been used as a wartime weapon. The fear it induced was unquantifiable. Even the sheer mention of it sent shivers down the spines of many - right down to their bruised bottoms. Listening out at night for the Banshee WTF was the thought process behind this? Like just, for a moment, as an adult being, consider the following exchange: *wind whistles through trees Innocent sleepy child: “Mom, Dad! What’s that noise?” Inept parents: “Oh child, why that’s the Banshee – a female spirit that wails to warn of forthcoming death. Do you want you light on or off?” Being told you were switched at birth/ adopted/ a changeling dropped off by the fairies  I had an aunt who swore to be repeatedly that I was swapped in The Coombe and should consider myself grateful to land in such a beautiful family. Older siblings hogging the TV remote because they “were here first” Same applied to console controls and computers. Even if you were up at the crack of dawn, perched on the couch with the remote clutched in hand, an older sibling would always arrive to prise it from your hands with the defence that they were on the planet first. Ergo, everything rightly belongs to them. Eating dinner in a friends house The fear of being exposed for the picky, non vegetable, pulses or bean eater that you are. Memories of shaking silently as you try to answer the “So what DO you eat??!” question creatively. Having your hair combed for lice with a fine tooth comb These b*****ds. Having to drink Cadet Cola IT DIDN’T TASTE THE SAME! Worrying Roald Dahl’s Witches would come alive and turn you into a rat This film always popped up on the Big Big Movie but was absolutely terrifying. It was definitely not child friendly. Wetting your pants in school Have you ever actually recovered from the embarrassment? –face burn- Calling your teacher mom *devastated emoji Having knock-off runners  Everyone else had Nikes :(