Your dream job is just around the corner. There’s just one thing in the way. Worse than the Leaving Cert and your driving test combined, job interviews were sent from hell to tease and torture us. The boss (who turns out to be sound out in the long run) gives you a glare icier than Miranda Priestly’s and looks like she could give Walter White on a bad day a run for his money. Your body is acting out the opening lines of Lose Yourself and the boardroom might as well be a courtroom. Here are ten reasons why job interviews are the absolute worst.
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The Insomnia
The night before your interview you’re so jacked up on nerves you could run a marathon. Cue a night of tossing and turning, with panic levels ranging from mild to full on freak-out. Job number one in the am; find some miracle cream to sort out those bags under your eyes.
Murphy’s Law
Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. Your coffee spills on the outfit you spent a week picking out. The bus is late or decides not to show at all. You drive, only to spend a good half hour trying to find a parking spot. Someone steals said spot from under your nose. You retaliate by screaming some pretty colourful language accompanied by enthusiastic hand gestures. Guess who the first person you’ll meet in the new office is? BINGO!
The Wait
Worse than any doctor’s waiting room is the wait you get landed with in the reception area. Everyone is eyeing you up as the pass. Your general demeanour screams ‘I’m trying so hard it’s pathetic’. Just when you think an eternity must surely have passed, you realise it’s been five minutes.
The Instant Rival
There will be one person in the office convinced you’ve been sent to steal their job. Before you’ve even said a world, you have an enemy. She doesn’t care who knows it either.
The Clammy Handshake/Awkward Hello
The boss finally comes to retrieve you from the waiting area. The hand comes out, and the sweat starts to pour. You disgust yourself.
Tell Me About Yourself
You practiced this at least a hundred times. Why are you suddenly talking about your level 3 keyboard cert and the medal you won for Under 10 step-dancing? STOP TALKING.
What Are Your Worst Points
Oh, I work too hard. I just don’t know when to switch off, as I give 110 per cent to absolutely everything I do.
(LOL, JK. If you really want an answer for this - ask my ex.)
Where Do You See Yourself In Five Years
On a hoverboard, ideally. Back to the Future lied to me.
Do You Have Any Questions for Us
Two, actually. Can I have the job, and how much will you pay me. But instead I’ll ask you about the ‘vision of the company’, and the opportunity for personal growth and progression, as I’m so ambitious. Yes, that.
The Wait
It’s finally over, but now the wait begins. On the bright side, at least that bit is not so sweaty…
