‘I was very scared of sex’ – Women opens up about debilitating condition vaginismus

She admitted she was scared of sex and penises because of the condition

A woman has opened up about suffering from the debilitating condition vaginismus, which left her scared of sex and penises.

Alyne Tamir was raised in a strict Mormon household that forbids sex outside of wedlock and married a man she met at a religious university in 2012.

On their wedding night, the couple tried to have sex, but they had to abandon it as attempts left the then 22-year-old in tears as it was 'super painful'.

Assuming it was wedding night jitters triggered by years of 'judgement' about sex from church, they tried for a further six months with no luck.

After visiting three different gynaecologists, she was diagnosed with vaginismus, a condition where the muscles of the vagina tighten involuntarily, making penetration impossible.

The main symptom of vaginismus is the tightening of the vaginal muscles when you try to put something in your vagina. This can cause a stinging or burning sensation.

Vaginismus is an automatic reaction, which you do not have control over.

Alyne said the condition left her feeling like a prisoner in her own body.

Alyne, 35, said it was a 'huge relief' when she was finally able to have pain-free sex with a man she met travelling in 2016 without being viewed as 'dirty' after she stopped practising Mormonism.

Now she believes her body was "protecting her from being stuck in a religion" for the rest of her life and is now able to enjoy sex outside of marriage.

Alyne, who is currently single, has released a book, Dear Alyne: My Years as a Married Virgin, hoping to remove the shame and stigma surrounding the condition.

Alyne said not being able to have sex with her ex-husband made her feel like a horrible wife: "We weren't able to have sex on our wedding night. I was really stressed, and I was scared of it, and I was scared of penises.

"It was so painful, and even if you wanted to force it, you couldn't. It was tight shut," she explained.

"When religion is so strict, your sexuality is so policed and you're not allowed to masturbate or to think about pleasure your whole life [then] in one night it's like 'okay, have sex now'.

"I felt like a bad person for having sex even though it was allowed in marriage. I also think subconsciously, I knew this wasn't the life for me. We weren't going to use a condom, and my subconscious was terrified of having kids and getting stuck in this religion and this life."

Alyne was diagnosed with vaginismus in 2012 after visiting three different gynaecologists, but the only solution offered was to use dilators, which she didn't want to do.

She later realised that people with super-conservative religions often have this problem

"I started Googling 'people who can't have sex after marriage' and I found this article about people with super-conservative religions sometimes having this problem.

"That's when I realised what I thought was actually happening. It was horrible, and I was dead inside. Over the years, it was slowly killing me as a person.

After Alyne's divorce in 2015, she decided to stop being a Mormon because she disagreed with some of the teachings about women.

She had her first sexual experience in 2016 with a man she met travelling in Sri Lanka. She admitted that this was a 'huge relief' and put it down to cutting ties with her religious upbringing.

Alyne said: "I was worried I was broken forever. I didn't tell him I was a Mormon, and I didn't tell him I was a virgin. I wanted to work up to it because I was still religious deep down and I didn't want to go to hell."

She continued, "I was very scared of sex. It wasn't something I was excited for, and I was terrified."

"I had this intuitive feeling that the reason I couldn't have had sex was the judgement of the partner and them seeing me as dirty or a wh**e.

"After three weeks, I let it happen one night. I made sure I was relaxed and didn't tell him anything.

"It was still a little painful the first couple of times, but it was happening."

"I didn't enjoy the sexual experience, but it was a huge relief. If you're a woman who hasn't had sex until you're 27, you're not usually just going to like it overnight."

The author now wants to spread awareness about vaginismus through her book and urges others to 'listen to their intuition. '

Alyne said: "The only person you need to listen to is yourself. Keep trying, but be patient, don't push too hard and try a dilator.

"Don't just be angry at yourself, and don't necessarily feel betrayed by your body. Listen to your intuition.

"My intuition told me 'don't tell someone your background and find someone you don't think will judge you' because I have felt judged my whole life and had so much shame around sexuality.'