Just what you need today, isn't it?

A giant, greasy, approximately 1,000 cal bag from the Chinese full of spices and chips and a bit of veg and some other things that you're not really sure what they are but you're definitely going to eat them anyway. Everything about a takeaway when you're hungover is ideal. You don't have to move, it gets driven to you, you don't have to move, it's delicious, you don't have to move... The list goes on. The one questionable thing about a takeaway though is that if you eat too much of it (and we, of course, do), you end up feeling slightly worse for wear afterwards. So, to tackle this feeling of abysmal fullness and absolute regret, why not make your own spice bag? It's actually not that hard, just as delicious, and you won't feel like a piece of sh*t after you eat it. Sorted. To make this delectable treat for one, you'll need:

• 100g chips/wedges
• 1 chicken fillet
• 1 tbsp flour
• 1/4 pepper
• 1/4 onion
• some Chinese allspice
• some chilli flakes
• one whisked egg
• salt

First, mix your flour, spices, and salt into a bowl (use as much spice as you deem necessary to blow the head off yourself, though about a half tablespoon of each is recommended). Then, slather your cut up chicken breast in your whisked egg mix and roll it in the mixture until it's fully coated. Cook your chicken at just below 200 for just over 30 minutes until it's nice and golden. Also cook your chips as instructed. While the chicken is cooking, chop up your veg and fry it up with some more spices until the onions are soft. Once everything is done, throw it all into a bowl, add some more spice if needed, and you're good to go. (We know, we know, chances of anyone actually cooking actual food when they're hungover is fairly unlikely, but we can always dream, right?)