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3rd February 2017
04:26pm GMT
''Here is a funny and current story. I am stuck in a bath. I can't actually get out of my bath tub,'' she began.The first line is sure to suck the reader in, how could one get stuck in the bathtub you might wonder. Coconut is the answer, apparently.
''Why? I've go a chest infection and some fever so I'm home sick. I also can't turn my head. Took some antibiotics and a Valium and thought- I will have a relaxing bath. I found some bath salts. Lit some candles and poured in some coconut oil'' She explained.If the story sounds very normal so far, it quicky gets quite complicated.
''Now I am realising it was too much coconut oil. Went to get out after pulling the plug and I just slide around like a giant greased up potato in a roasting dish. There is no traction. No grip. Just me and my fat body slipping around covered in oil. Fuck home beauty remedies. SOS.''
The woman went on to ask for advice with some entertaining results.
''Flop your arms over the side of the top and ooze out of it like a zoidberg,'' AsAliveAsARock suggested.
''Masturbation will release endorphins that might give you enough energy to stand,'' RaleeM advised.
XKrombopulosMichaelX couldn't help themselves from asking ''have you tried turning it on and off again?''
Thankfully this cautionary tale had a happy ending - she got out okay.
''I escaped by refilling with water and cleaning the bath with closet soap like product. Took 30 mins. White girl idiocy at its greatest,'' Denshan said.So she lived to tell the tale but has also taught us all a valuable lesson on why you should be very careful with how much oil you use in the tub.
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